I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.

I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.

I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.