The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.

Better laid than never.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.