A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

I started my career in a town so small the local clinic was called Fred's Hospital and Grill.

I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.