The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.

I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.

Life is so tough. I don't know how old you are, but I've seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.