The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.