I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.

I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now...once he opened the car door for me in the last four years - we were on the freeway at the time.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.