When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.