When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

I'm at the top, top, top of my game now. I'm so happy to be on that stage, I'm in control of it, and I love every minute of it. I walk onstage in rehearsal and I start to smile. And so I just don't care what anyone else is doing. Do what you want, say what you want. Nobody else can do what I do onstage. Nobody.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.