I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan RiversMy personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on.
Joan RiversYou're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan RiversJoan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan RiversAnd since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.
Joan Rivers