I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

I was my own buddy in camp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.