I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

Marriage isn't a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call 'the wise bamboo,' which means you bend so you don't break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.