Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Never floss a stranger.