Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!