I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.

Having a baby can be a scream.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.