I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.

I'm at the top, top, top of my game now. I'm so happy to be on that stage, I'm in control of it, and I love every minute of it. I walk onstage in rehearsal and I start to smile. And so I just don't care what anyone else is doing. Do what you want, say what you want. Nobody else can do what I do onstage. Nobody.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.