If you're not a wreck in this business, you're not around.
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.
I was my own buddy in camp.
Don't talk to me about gravity. When I get out of bed in the morning, I have to be careful not to step on my breasts.
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.