What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, "Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe."

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.