My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there."

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your left, you're going to hear something terribly sad, or horrible, or awful. And you just laugh at everything. I think it was Winston Churchill who said something like, any time you get someone to laugh, you're giving them a little vacation. It's so true. You laugh for one second, you're happy. I find in negotiations, everybody's sitting around looking so serious, I say something funny and it breaks the ice. And it's like, now we can get through this.