to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there."

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.

Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.