old age' is always ten years more than we are.

My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

Run scared ... and they never catch you.