At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

I hate reality shows that are not reality.