Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception.

I love the way my life has fallen into place.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway."

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.