I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'

The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.