I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.
The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive.
I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.