Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think sheโs mean.
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.