my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.

Self-pity shortens your life.

My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.