When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.