If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.
I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids.
It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.