I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'.

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.