If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

Your proudest moment is to watch your egg not just function, but to achieve on her own.

My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.