Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh.

I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.

What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.