You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.

I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

I'm at the top, top, top of my game now. I'm so happy to be on that stage, I'm in control of it, and I love every minute of it. I walk onstage in rehearsal and I start to smile. And so I just don't care what anyone else is doing. Do what you want, say what you want. Nobody else can do what I do onstage. Nobody.

I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'.