Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.

My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!