Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Run scared ... and they never catch you.

Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.

Self-pity shortens your life.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.