I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.

I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.