What we do is a calling...we make people happy.

I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs your paycheck is the boss - no matter what they tell you.

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.

If you're not a wreck in this business, you're not around.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don't care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.