Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all; grief is a spectator sport for them.

I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.