Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: "Run your own race, put on your blinders."
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.
My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating.