Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Don't talk to me about gravity. When I get out of bed in the morning, I have to be careful not to step on my breasts.