I'm at the top, top, top of my game now. I'm so happy to be on that stage, I'm in control of it, and I love every minute of it. I walk onstage in rehearsal and I start to smile. And so I just don't care what anyone else is doing. Do what you want, say what you want. Nobody else can do what I do onstage. Nobody.
Joan RiversThe last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.
Joan RiversHow to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
Joan RiversPeople say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan RiversIf you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers