I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

moving on is a gift you give yourself.

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all; grief is a spectator sport for them.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.