I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.