I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.