Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Life is so tough. I don't know how old you are, but I've seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

I love the way my life has fallen into place.

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.