Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even.

A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.