If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others

Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there."

If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

Any form of complacency is the kiss of death for any professional.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."