A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: "Run your own race, put on your blinders."

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.