How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.