How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to tell him: "That was a joke!" But he just didn't get it. Mick Jagger said, "F- 'em if they don't get the joke." And I love him. That comes with age: Knowing it's their problem, not mine."

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!