My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.