You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.

Happiness, at my age, is breathing