I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.