The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."
Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.