I hate reality shows that are not reality.

Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception.

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others