The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive.
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
I’m never without a bandage.