People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'

I have to tell you that it's not going to be easy. Take every chance and every opportunity that you can. Don't say 'I can't' or 'I shouldn't' or 'I'm too tired.'