People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.

Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm full of children. I think she got them at Costco.

Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.