Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Don't talk to me about gravity. When I get out of bed in the morning, I have to be careful not to step on my breasts.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.