I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.