I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.

I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?