You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.

The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.