Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all; grief is a spectator sport for them.

Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.

I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.