I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"

Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.