We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.