The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.

I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh.

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.